My SL Pet Peeves

Published October 11, 2013 by Ro Sparklebutt

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There are a few things in my Second Life that have annoyed me to no end. Some of them also apply outside of SL, but happen a lot in there too, so I’ll include them.

1. Adding me, or letting me add you to your friends list then getting annoyed at me if I try to talk to you.

I add people to my list, or allow myself to be added because I think you’re a nice or interesting person and I would like to get to know you better. This involves talking to you.  There are some exceptions to this, such as:  You’re logged on to work. That’s fine. I have a few people that are logged on to work on projects in Second Life.  They’ve told me that they prefer not to be disturbed during that time, and I leave them alone. I talk to them when they let me know that it’s okay.

However, I’ve also had a few people that will either add me, or let me add them, then get annoyed when I try to chat to them. I just don’t understand the point of that. Why add someone if you have no interest in speaking with them? This leads me on to my next peeve.

2. Thinking I’m a mind reader.

Part of this one could be due to a couple of my own issues. I’m an aspie, and I have severe dyspraxia so I just don’t pick up on subtle hints. You need to be clear with me.

I do generally inform people of this when I’ve had a few proper conversations with them, because it’s something they need to know so that they understand where my social awkwardness comes from, and why for the love of all that is holy, why won’t I take their hint about them trying to make me go away without actually telling me!

There is one particular example of this that has always stuck in my mind, and honestly, has made me paranoid about speaking with new people on Second Life ever since.

I’ll be the first person to admit, I can get excited when I make a new friend. I can be a bit obsessive about spending time with them and I do know that it can be annoying. However it isn’t really something I realise I’m doing and it happens without any choice on my part.

I met a person and got on with them, so I added them to my list. Once I’d added the person, I warned them of the above and told them very clearly that if I become too much for them, just gently tell me that I’m being a bit too demanding and I will tone it down.

That said, I continued to speak with said person as I did with my close group of friends. Inviting them to come hang out at our home, ask if they wanted to be included in shopping trips, see things I’d bought, show off things they’d bought ect ect.

It turned out that they felt I was smothering them. However, they didn’t tell me this. They simply left a vague but very clearly about me post in their blog for me to find. Talking about how they resorted to hiding in offline mode and things to avoid me. At no point did they ever tell me I was making them uncomfortable. They did say that they would tell me no. Which they did, and at which point I would say something along the lines of “Okay! Have fun! Let me know if you want to do anything later!” and would stop bothering them until they let me know it was okay again, or if it had been a few hours, I would sometimes send another IM to see how they were doing.

I am aware that it was my behaviour that made the person uncomfortable, and for that I did apologise sincerely. However at no point did the person try to make me aware of that fact, despite the fact I had let them know very clearly how to deal with me. I even have it stated on my profile that I am an aspie and have dyspraxia. Which leads me to my next point…

3. When people don’t read my profile.

I admit, on the front page of my profile I don’t have a lot on the front page of my profile, but I do have some important things in my picks.  Though, one of the main things I do have on my front page is the fact that I am not interested in SL sex. Yet, the amount of people that will still IM and ask for it is amazing, and so many of them when questioned about reading about the lack of interest in my profile will just say “Oh, I don’t read profiles.” GAH!

4. Judging me by my friends list.

This is something I’ve found outside of SL, but not as frequently.

If I’m friends with you, and you have an argument with one of my other friends. That’s your problem, not mine. If a person hasn’t done anything to me, why should I stop being their friend?

I’ve had people go so far as to ban me from mentioning certain names in conversations with them. Even if I’m not speaking about the -same- person.  I will try to avoid talking about the other person so as to avoid it being uncomfortable, but if you ask me what I’ve been doing and I’ve been spending time with the person you dislike, what am I supposed to say? Especially if you push for more information beyond “Just hanging out with some friends”

Who I choose to be friends with is my business. I will -not- be forced to choose between friends. If you try to force me, it will likely not be you that I choose.

I think I should leave this here for now. It became a lot longer that I thought it would!

Again, found here: http://strawberrysingh.com/2013/04/01/my-sl-pet-peeves-meme/

Love and bubbles!

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